Self Control and SelfSacrificing
by SweeneyTodd-aholic22
Summary: I got this idea from a previous fic I read...HOWEVER, please note, it is NOT the same! Remus did something unforgivible. Both Hermione and he try to cope...2-Shot!


Self Control and Self-Sacrifycing

**Self Control and Self-Sacrificing**

_A/N: Both characters will be slightly ooc_

_ALSO...I do NOT own ANYTHING that has to do with Harry Potter...sadly._

**Chapter 1: HIM**

I need to tell someone, but I don't know how. I was told not to tell…not by him; but by the person I entrusted my secret with. He couldn't control himself; I know that, but that doesn't make it any easier. I see him almost everyday, and even when I don't see him, the memories still flood through my mind. I shake plainly, almost unable to write as I sit in his classroom.

I see in watching from the corner of my eye, seeing his own full of pain and regret. I know he's sorry; he has even told me so…many times. He watches me constantly, not out of pride, pleasure or longing. Instead, he seems to hope for improvement, a spark of life in me again. I try to ignore his penetrating stares, but they burn my skin like a flame.

Though I know he couldn't have controlled himself; he wasn't in his right mind, I can't bring myself to forgive him. He asked many times for forgiveness, but I can't bring myself to do it. He says he understands.

When the bell rings, I am the first one out of the classroom. I have to get away from him. I don't make it to lunch after his classes; I always feel the need to shower.

I run to my dorm as if Voldemort himself were chasing me down. I find it frightening to realize that Voldemort isn't my biggest fear anymore. I step into the shower, rubbing my skin raw. It's red and throbbing as the water pounds onto it.

I step out of the shower as I see it. Lavender's new razor is sitting next to the sink. I walk slowly to it, knowing the thoughts running through my head are wrong. I know I shouldn't do it, shouldn't even think about it…but I **do **think about it, and I **am** going to do it.

I pick up the razor and pullout the blade. I feel tears pricking my eyes. I blink to push them away, but instead, they roll down my cheek. I leave a short note to Harry and Ron on the counter in plain view.

I can't believe I am about to do this. As I lift the blade in my hand, I find myself surprised. No one has come to find me, to ask why I'm not in Potions. Nothing in my mind telling me not to do it. Nothing telling me I have a reason to live.

I push the blade into my skin, gasping quietly at the pain. It barely bleeds…until I hit the vein. I smile though I feel dizzy and disoriented. But I'm not satisfied. I remove the blade and push it into my other wrist. I feel the blade hit the vein this time. I drop the blade and sat back against the wall, watching my blood pool around me.

I feel myself falling out of consciousness and I don't fight it…until something catches my attention. I hear two heart beats instead of one. My own is weak, but fast. The other is dim, barely beating at all.

I now try to fight my falling state, believing I know the cause of it. If I killed myself, it would not be suicide…it would be murder. I struggle to fight it, but I'm fading…fast. I close my eyes, unable to battle any longer.

I hear someone calling my name, followed by the bathroom door being thrown open. A gasp is sound just before I hear the swish of a wand as it sends a Patronus to the Hospital wing. I feel strong arms pick me up as I use what's left of my strength to hold on. It soon fades to nothingness.

I am surprised to open my eyes and find myself in the hospital wing. The first person I see is…him. And, for the first time, I am relieved to see him. I still want to scream, but at the same time, I want to pull him close and thank him.

Isn't it ironic that the man who ruined my life, would also be the one to save it?

_A/N: Okay...so that is Hermione's view...Part 2 is Remus' view on things. _

_REVIEW or it won't come._

_ALSO, I have plans to write this piece. If you all like it, I was going to write the specific story of everything that happened...Let me know if you like that idea..._


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